Siren Whispers

Siren Song

Changed

26 Comments

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It has been seventeen weeks, five days and one hour since you told me. Since my world shifted on its axis. Since our lives were changed, permanently. 

But who’s counting?

I am asked by family and friends how I am dealing with it. If I have gotten used to it, accepted it. There is never just one answer. It is too complex for that. Indeed, it is too complex for words on most days. 

I tell them that I accepted it the moment that I was told.  And I did.  How could I not?  There was never ever a question that I wouldn’t.  But my heart grieved.  For what was lost.  For what would be irrevocably changed.  But most of all, for the burden that was carried, silently and alone, for too long.  My head accepted it.  I was rational and logical.  But the heart does not know nor does it understand those words.  And though there is unconditional love and acceptance, there is more than one layer to ‘getting used’ to something.  The head always wraps itself around a problem, a situation, a change, more readily than does a heart. 

Hearts have a long memory.

So my answer to that well meaning and concerned question was ‘yes, I’ve gotten used to it’ and ‘no, you never get used to it’.  And both answers are true.  Perhaps one day I can say that I am well and truly used to it, but I don’t know that that is possible.  There are too many memories, 15 years worth, to believe that there will never be a day that I am not jolted back in time or that my heart won’t feel a twinge at what will never be. 

But for now I just accept each day as a gift.  One more day that, if things had been different, I might not have had.  And I know how lucky I am.

:

©SirenSong1208

Photograph taken by SirenSong1208

Author: sirensong1208

I created this blog as a way to express myself using my poetry and photography. It is a reflection of who I am and of the things that interest me. I have many muses…perhaps the greatest one being my love of the sea, how I gravitate to anything relating to water, how I feel a pull toward it deep in my bones. At times I will be revisiting content that I have shared on Twitter which has, until now, been the forum I have expressed myself in. That said, the content will change over time as the blog grows and develops. It is my hope that the reader will enjoy the journey.

26 thoughts on “Changed

  1. My heart breaks for you. This was a true write of your feelings, and you are a strong person. And I always love your writing. It is what can keep us sane.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Love, hugs and another’s understanding 💜

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I wish for you peace and hope. Thanks for being you, lovely lady.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hmmm, I missed something 17 weeks ago — but whatever it is/was, I wish you strength.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Such a raw and heart-wrenching write. You are not alone.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Hugs to you. Very powerful and heartfelt

    Liked by 1 person

  7. So deep, ,could feel every word

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Your poetry has always touched me, and so this writing of yours sharing your raw emotions does as well. I hope that your heart and soul will heal, hopefully soon, but know that those things cannot be rushed. Sending you a hug and comfort.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I understand your pain. Just 2 months shy of 15 years, I went thru the same. Tho I asked to leave bc it was obvious he already had…

    Liked by 1 person

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